Edo, ergo sum (我吃故我在)

標籤: 生活雜寫, 倉海君

適見在世中。奄去靡歸期。奚覺無一人。親識豈相思。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　－－陶淵明《形贈影》

上星期，道士兄告訴我一個黑人中槍的故事，我聽後覺得意味深長，便請他在這兒寫一寫。當時我們有很多胡思亂想，好像先由Samuel Johnson出發，途經列子，再一直拉扯到Albert Camus。現在道士兄既已守約把故事寫了出來，我也不妨整理一下當天的胡扯，再額外插點評論，以博讀者一哂。

道士兄說他跟朋友看到黑人喋血街頭後，居然還能氣定神閒、談笑風生地吃漢堡包，不禁詫異於自己的麻木不仁。我說：“你既不認識黑人，難道要為他守喪嗎？”接着我便說了Dr Johnson的故事。話說Johnson有位叫Baretti的朋友，因為謀殺而身陷囹圄，若罪名成立則勢必吊死。在受審前夕，Johnson跟 Boswell有以下對談，時為1769年10月19日星期四：

Talking of our feeling for the distresses of others; — JOHNSON, "Why, Sir, there is much noise made about it, but it is greatly exaggerated. No, Sir, we have a certain degree of feeling to prompt us to do good; more than that, Providence does not intend. It would be misery to no purpose." BOSWELL. "But suppose now, Sir, that one of your intimate friends were apprehended for an offence for which he might be hanged." JOHNSON. "I should do what I could to bail him, and give him any other assistance; but if he were once fairly hanged, I should not suffer." BOSWELL. "Would you eat your dinner that day, Sir?" JOHNSON. "Yes, Sir; and eat it as if he were eating it with me. Why, there's Baretti, who is to be tried for his life to-morrow, friends have risen up for him on every side; yet if he should be hanged, none of them will eat a slice of plum-pudding the less. Sir, that sympathetick feeling goes a very little way in depressing the mind."

I told him that I had dined lately at Foote's, who shewed me a letter which he had received from Tom Davies, telling him that he had not been able to sleep from the concern he felt on account of "This sad affair of Baretti," begging of him to try if he could suggest any thing that might be of service; and, at the same time, recommending to him an industrious young man who kept a pickle-shop. JOHNSON. "Ay, Sir, here you have a specimen of human sympathy; a friend hanged, and a cucumber pickled. We know not whether Baretti or the pickle-man has kept Davies from sleep: nor does he know himself. And as to his not sleeping, Sir; Tom Davies is a very great man; Tom has been upon the stage and knows how to do those things: I have not been upon the stage, and cannot do those things." BOSWELL. "I have often blamed myself, Sir, for not feeling for others, as sensibly as many say they do." JOHNSON. "Sir, don't be duped by them any more. You will find these very feeling people are not very ready to do you good. They pay you by feeling."

很精警的話，也一針戮破大家的虛偽：“yet if he should be hanged, none of them will eat a slice of plum-pudding the less. Sir, that sympathetick feeling goes a very little way in depressing the mind.”這句更絕，令人啼笑皆非：“Sir, here you have a specimen of human sympathy; a friend hanged, and a cucumber pickled.”在今天這個「道德」社會，我們都羞於承認人性的弱點，更遑論這樣大言不慚了。對自己都不老實的人，給我拖出去斬！

六十四年後，英國史家Lord Macaulay在一封信中說了類似的話(To Hannah M. Macaulay, July 31,1833):

How very little one human being generally cares for another! How very little the world misses anybody! How soon the chasm left by the best and wisest men closes! I thought...that our own selfishness when others are taken away ought to teach us how little others will suffer at losing us. I thought that, if I were to die to-morrow, not one of the fine people, whom I dine with every week, will take a côtelette aux petits pois the less on Saturday at the table to which I was invited to meet them, or will smile less gaily at the ladies over the champagne. And I am quite even with them.　(1)

《異鄉人》(L'Étranger)的主角Meursault，在母親下葬當天，照樣抽煙、睡覺、喝咖啡，幾天後更若無其事和女孩游泳耍樂看電影－－他不可能預料到，將來有檢控官會因而指控他：“我控告此人懷着罪犯的心，埋葬了一位母親。”(j'accuse cet homme d'avoir enterré une mère avec un cœur de criminel.)對於有居喪傳統的中國人來說，Meursault可謂極度“不孝”；而對於有高尚情操的香港人來說，Meursault就更是萬眾期待的“人辦”二世了。看來還是我們的至聖先師較有人性，因為他說“夫君子之居喪，食旨不甘”，且“食於有喪者之側，未嘗飽也”，可見他本身不但是孝子，更會垂憐喪者。我只是好奇，假如孔子也像道士兄般目睹陌生的黑人中槍，他那個漢堡包究竟是吃，還是不吃？To eat, or not to eat: that is the question.

注：

(1) 此書見G.O. Trevelyan, Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Longmans, 231-232。錢鍾書在《管錐編》P.239－241也曾討論過本文的主題，即親友雖死而己不廢食。有趣的是，錢老雖然也徵引Trevelyan這部傳記，卻只用了第546頁的話，卻好像忘記了我上面那摘自第232頁的引文，且更與Dr Johnson交臂失之，何不審也？這個小發現似乎可說明：錢老讀書雖多，但可能有不少也只是粗粗翻過而已。當然，生也有涯，這絕對是明智的讀法。